As a child, I experienced intense discomfort around certain foods. My imagination led me to believe that the Green Giant would steal my teeth if I didn’t eat my sweetcorn. I was plagued by fears of textures and tastes—foods that were slimy, chewy, or strongly scented would make me gag, escalating my panic.
This fear evolved into a complex relationship with food, leading to restrictive eating, binge eating, and obsessive exercise. Compounding this was growing up with limited financial resources, which made food feel like a rare luxury. When I had the chance to eat, I would overindulge, driven by a deep-seated fear of scarcity. Over the years, I’ve learned to manage these challenges, and I hope sharing my journey helps others feel less alone.
Food: Becoming the Enemy
During my teenage years, seeing my stomach hang over my jeans triggered immense guilt and shame, marking the start of my body image struggles. My unhealthy relationship with food led me to binge on large amounts of unhealthy snacks in an attempt to fill an emotional void. To justify my binges, I would restrict my intake earlier in the day to seek control in a life that felt unstable.
Chasing the dopamine rush from eating junk food only brought temporary pleasure and deep guilt. I’d bargain with myself: if I restricted my food intake all day, I could indulge later. This cycle intensified my binge urges and the need for control through restriction, making each binge feel hollow and unsatisfying.
As an adult, my obsession with body image spiralled into severe depression. I felt unlovable, blaming my body and believing that I wasn’t skinny enough for relationships. This led to excessive exercise, including twice-daily workouts and meticulous macro counting. Despite achieving visible abs and weight loss, I felt dissatisfied, gaunt, and masculine. This relentless pursuit of perfection deepened my depression, pulling me back into the cycle of bingeing and restricting. Each relapse felt like a massive setback, further entrenching the unhealthy patterns I was desperately trying to escape.
The Turning Point
By my 30’s, my health deteriorated, causing unintended weight loss. While some might view this as a positive side effect, it worried my friends, who chose to discuss their concerns privately rather than confront me. I questioned why asking if I was okay felt so difficult. My declining health led to missed moments with my family and friends, pushing me further into isolation. I felt that I had punished my body so severely that survival seemed unlikely.
Realising I couldn’t continue this way, I embarked on a journey of healing. I sought therapy, began meditating, exercised occasionally, learned self-kindness, and, most importantly, I forgave myself.
Setbacks are part of the process and are normal. They don’t erase your progress. When old habits resurface, take a deep breath and recognise that each moment offers a fresh start.
Change requires patience and persistence. Instead of seeking quick fixes, shift your mindset. Replace “I have to eat today” with “I get to eat today,” and “I have to exercise” with “I get to exercise.” Mindfulness is a powerful tool for healing and transforms negative thoughts into positive ones.
5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me During Recovery
- It’s Not Your Fault
- Understanding that deeper issues often drive unhealthy relationships with food helped me realise I wasn’t flawed. It’s about addressing the underlying causes and not blaming yourself.
- Challenge Negative Thoughts
- Self-awareness takes practice. Use mindfulness apps or keep a journal to track and understand your negative patterns. If stress triggers binge urges, acknowledge it and replace it with a positive thought, like “I faced a tough day, but I can unwind and enjoy my evening.”
- Don’t Punish Yourself
- Perfection isn’t the goal. Instead of punishing yourself for setbacks, practice self-forgiveness and start fresh. Each day is a new opportunity to try again.
- Find Your Tribe
- Surround yourself with supportive people. Share your experiences with trusted friends or join online communities where others understand your struggles. You don’t have to face recovery alone; finding your support network is crucial.
- Seek Professional Help
- An important step in recovery is finding a therapist who specialises in disordered eating. They offer essential coping strategies and professional guidance tailored to your needs.
Finding Peace
Recovery is about progress, not perfection. I’ve discovered healthier ways to manage stress and anxiety without turning to food – art therapy being a huge help. Most importantly, I now appreciate my body as a vessel deserving of love and care.
If you’re struggling, remember there is hope. Seek help, practice self-compassion, and understand that your worth isn’t defined by your weight or what you eat. You are valued for who you are, and that’s truly beautiful.

Natasha Winch
Mental Health Mentor with BeenThere
Digital Artist
Head of Social Media for WeAreMentality.com
